Wait for me
by Dark-Phoenix22
Summary: Deathfic Sometimes love is just not meant to be.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from the show, except for Mark who is an original character, made up for this work of fiction.

A/N: This is slash, so if you don't like that kind of stuff, this is your warning.

_Hold on to me love_

_You know I can't stay long_

_All I wanted to say was I love you_

_And I'm not afraid. _

"Stay with me," I whispered, the sound almost inaudable. You still heard me though. Fighting to turn your head to look at me, you still heard me and tried to speak. "You know I can't promise that Carlos. I won't be here forever." Your voice was raspy and weak as you breathed the words in my ear.

I could see the sparkle in your eyes was fading, that small light that you had always had, the one that let the world know that you were happy. It had started to fade almost a year ago, when you had been diagnosed with brain cancer. You had told me almost as soon as you found out, exactly a year next thursday.

We had gone through so much since then. The doctors appointments, the hospital trips, the chemotherapy, the radiation treatment. It took a toll on both of us. You did your best to keep our spirits up even through the worst... even though it nearly killed you.

Shifting closer, I gently pulled your body closer to mine, pressing my chest to yours. I nearly burst into tears you were so thin. I could feel every bone in your body standing out sharply against me, could feel the amount of weight that you had lost in the last few days in the way that your ribs stuck out.

You placed your hand under my chin, gently forcing me to look at you. Your incredably blue eyes stared out at me from the emaciated face that they were trapped in, surrounded by sunken, dark, black circles. Silvery tears shone in your eyes as you stared at me, your face inches from mine.

"I love you," you said, your eyes burning into mine. "I know," I whispered back.

_Can you hear me?_

_Can you feel me in your arms?_

We had been together for such a short time, only two and a half years. I knew in a way that happiness was not to be had for us. A long history of failures and disappointments told us that. But we tried, no one can say that we didn't try. We faced your family's disgust and our friends hatred together, we moved away from our long time home to come to this dingy place of soaring buildings and dirty concrete.

We tried to overcome everything in our way with our love, and we did. But even we cannot overcome something like this. Even now I can hear you labored breathing in my ear as the pain in your head grows, the pain medicine wearing off. The tumor, about the size of my fist, pressing against your skull.

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you_

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here tonight_

Brushing back the limp strands of sweat darkened blond hair, I kiss your lips softly. The heat in your chapped lips steals all of the moisture from mine. You lock your eyes with mine, a feverish light glowing in your blue depths. I feel your love like a small pressure behind my eyes travelling along our silent bond. "Be back in a moment," I say, my voice barely disturbing the silence of the room. You just smile weakly at me, that sparkle back for just a moment.

Padding out to the kitchen, I reach into the cupboard to grab a glass. Without realizing it I take out wineglasses. The ones from our joining. Clear crystal bases curve up into shaped red glass, delicate frosted patterns dancing around the edge. As I stare at them I come to realize what you have been trying to tell me all morning. What I didn't want to accept.

When the medicine makes you tired and you fall into a dreamless sleep, you won't be waking up again. You'll pass over the threshold into a new place and leave me here to fall apart. Alone.

_I'll miss the winter_

_A world of fragile things_

_Look for me in the white forest _

_Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me...)_

The ringing of the phone interupts my train of thought and I stare at it silently. That would be someone calling from work calling in to find out why I am not there. I was supposed to go back to work today, but I couldn't leave you. Not today. Not on our anniversary.

To stop the insistant ringing I pick up the phone. "Carlos? You there?"

"Yeah," I whisper dully, not wanting to disturb you.

"What are you doing? You're late. You had better show up in a minute or Doc is going to kill you."

"I..." I start to say, but the click of the phone being hung up cuts me off.

Hanging up the phone I grab the champaigne, wineglasses, and the medicine, and go back to our room.

You smile gently at me and I feel the tears start to fill up my eyes. You're so beautiful, how could God do this to you? To us? We never did anything to anyone that could warrant something like this. I sit gently on the edge of the bed next to you, and slide behind you above your head. Carefully I pull you up to rest against my chest. A small sigh escapes your lips as you rest your head on my shoulder.

_I know you hear me,_

_I can taste it in your tears_

I pour the wine carefully into the glasses and pass one to you. Your hand shakes as you take it. We sit silently, a comfortable silence. After we finish the first glass I fill them up again to the brim. Grabbing the bottle of pills from the bedside table, I take out three and hand them to you. You take them all at once, nearly choking as they stick to your dry throat. I sooth you silently, rubbing my hand over your back in steady circles. _I'll be here for you. I'm not going anywhere._

We don't need to talk, no words need to be said between us. There is nothing left to say. We said it all in those few years that we had together, and now it leaves us in a silence. A comfortable silence. Nothing left to say.

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you_

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here tonight_

Slowly I can feel your body relax against mine, your muscles going weak as the pain-killers do their work. Twisting slowly, you turn around in my arms. Tears slide slowly down your face. It's like all your spirit is leaking out through your eyes, those beautiful eyes that held so much pain for the last year, and now are peaceful, like all the pain is leaving you.

_Finally, you'll fly again._ You'll soar above the world again, soar like the way you made me fly when I first met you and you smiled at me. Your spirit will spread wings of love and light and lift you far above this world of pain, fear and waiting to a place where someone who loves you more than a mere mortal can, will take you back into their arms and hold you tight.

You smile as you look into my eyes, your pain gone and that sparkle dancing as bright as they day when we first met.

"'I'll wait for you my love, for what is heaven without your light?'" you quote at me teasingly.

"'Nothing but a dark and dreary place, drizzling my painful tears, until I see your face again, come to light my way'," I answer back in a whisper. You press your lips gently against mine and I can almost feel the touch of God already upon you in the love that passes through you to me, for surely one man cannot hold all that emotion in his earthly body.

Holding tight to each other's bodies, we slide down on the bed to lie facing each other, the black satin sheets contrasting sharply with your snowy skin. I take the wine glass from your grip and place it with mine on the bedside table, before bringing my arms back up around you. You snuggle into my body, your arms around my waist, your forhead pressed against mine, your blue eyes staring deeply into my own. It feels almost as if you are looking deep into my soul to find something, something that is so important for you to know before you leave.

"I love you Mark," I whisper, meeting your gaze steadily, putting all the love that I have for you into that connection that only we can feel.

You smile at me, a blinding smile that seems to light up the room and burn away all the misgivings and bad feelings that have been hanging over us for so long. I feel so free and light, like nothing could happen that would change this moment. Then you close your eyes and snuggle back into my chest, the light dimming.

_Closing your eyes to disappear_

_You pray your dreams will leave you here_

Your breath tickles my neck and I twist to give you a kiss on the forehead as you slip silently into sleep. I bring my hand up and play with your hair, twisting the short golden locks around my fingers.

We stay like that for hours, just you and me. I can feel when you slip away from me. Slowly, not all at once, but like a bucket with a small hole in it. A little at a time.

I don't move or stop playing with your hair as I feel your last puff of breath steal across my neck like a whisper of your lips. I don't look away from the same spot on the wall as I continue to hold your stiffining body tight, my body heat keeping you warm. I don't move when I hear banging on the door and my co-workers yelling through it for me to open up. I don't move when I hear the sound of a key being turned in the lock and the door opening. I don't move when I hear them tramping through the house yelling for me to get out there.

I don't move when I hear them open the door to our sanctuary and see us. They go silent, gathering in the door and staring at us. I feel anger as they stare at your exposed body, not caring about mine in the least, but I can't get the strength to tell them to leave us alone.

One set of footsteps comes over to us and leans over the bed on your side. Slender woman's fingers softly touch your neck, searching for a pulse, then recoil as they feel the cold clamminess of your skin. I continue to play gently with your hair even when I hear the person beside you let out a sob.

_But still you wake and know the truth_

_No one's there._

_Say goodnight, don't be afraid_

_Calling me, calling me as you fade to black..._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Third Watch.

Author's note: You know there are not a lot of stories on this site for this show. I should write more.

**Hello **

"What could he be doing that's so important that he would not come in to work? I mean it's not like Carlos has much of a life. Who'd want to go out with that ass anyway?"

"Just shut up man," Ty snapped at Bosco. "He's not like that all the time." He snorted.

"Plus it's not like you can talk."

"Boys!" Kim's voice crackled over the radio. "Could you can it? Or at least turn off the radio? The two of you are enough to drive an elephant up the wall!"

Bosco leaned down to grab the mike. "Elephants can't climb walls Kim."

"That's the point!"

_Playground school bell rings again_

_Rain clouds come to play again_

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

Bosco banged on the door of the small apartment. "Come on Carlos open the door." Ty looked over at him.

"Are you sure he's here?" Kim nodded.

"He answered the phone earlier, but he sounded a little funny." Bosco sneered.

"He's probably trying to pass a cold off as a life threatening disease."

Ty shook his head. "Naw man, Carlos wouldn't do that. He loves his job. He rarely even takes a sick day unless forced to."

Doc gently pushed Bosco out of the way. "I have a key."

Pushing the door open Doc walked into the living room of a small but clean apartment. The kitchen was to the left and a hall to the left. There was no sign of Carlos in the kitchen so he had to be in the bedroom.

"Doc." Turning to Kim, who was in the kitchen, he saw the objects she was pointing at. An empty bottle of pills and a cork from a wine bottle sat on the counter.

A feeling of dread crept over Doc and he turned quickly to the hall. Even Bosco had cut short his litany of abuse against Carlos when he saw what Kim was pointing at. The group followed him down the hall. Looking into the first room he saw that it was the bathroom. The medicine cabinet above the sink was open and they could see the numerous bottles of pills filling the shelves. The names of some of them made the Paramedics' eyes open wide and they almost ran to the next door.

Pushing it open, Doc paused at what he saw. Carlos was lying on top of the sheets on the large bed that filled most of the room wearing only his boxers. A slender young man was wrapped in his arms, blonde head tucked under his chin, eyes closed. Carlos didn't seem to notice their intrusion and kept playing gently with the hair at the back of the other young man's head. Doc started, Carlos had tears running down his face from sunken, dark ringed, and tired eyes.

_Hello_

_I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to _

_Hello_

Doc could feel his stomach roiling. The other man was too still, too quiet, too limp. His face must have show some of what he was feeling because Bosco, who had started to step forward with his mouth open to say something, stopped and watched him uneasily.

Kim stepped forward hesitantly and walked around the bed to the blonde's side. Carlos's shoulders tensed minutely. Kim reached a hand down to touch the young man's neck. She had barely touched him when her hands flew to her face and a sob escaped her. Bosco and Ty jumped forward as Kim stumbled back.

"He's dead. Oh my god, he's dead."

Bosco stared down at the couple on the bed. The normally healthy and loud Carlos Nieto was staring blankly at the wall, hand working on automatic as it twisted blonde strands around its fingers. He could tell that Carlos had dropped weight rapidly, but next to the other man he looked healthy. Up close Bosco could see that the emaciated blonde in his arms was not breathing and his skin had taken on a bluish cast to it. The young man had clearly been ill. He turned to face Doc who was still at the door.

"What are the pills for?" Doc started and tore his eyes away from the couple.

"They're pain medication, the strongest that you can get outside of Hospitals." Bosco looked back at the scene.

"We have to call this in you know." Doc nodded. Ty walked past the two to stand outside the door and raised the radio on his shoulder to his lips.

Doc came forward and gestured to Bosco.

"Help me move Carlos." Bosco swallowed.

"He wouldn't want people to find him like this."

Bosco watched as Doc walked to the bed and touched Carlos's shoulder. The other man didn't acknowledge the touch and continued to stare at the wall. He leaned down.

"Carlos. Carlos, you have to let go." He gripped the other man's hand and tried to pull it away from the blonde's hair. Carlos's muscles tensed and he shook off the hand.

"Go away."

If I smile and don't believe So I know I'll wake from this dream 

Bosco stepped forward and grabbed the man's arm roughly.

"Let go Carlos! He's dead!"

The violence of Carlos's reaction shocked them as he sat up and swung at the policeman screaming.

"He is_ not!_ _He's not!_ Go _away!_ **_Leave us alone!_**" Sobs wracked the thin form as he threw himself back down and took the body back into his arms, pressing the blonde head against his chest.

Kim covered her mouth, tears dripping down her face at the pitiful sight before her. Carlos started petting the blonde man's head murmuring words of endearance into deaf ears.

_Don't try to fix me I'm not broken_

_Hello_

_I'm the lie living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry_

Bosco looked sideways at Doc to see what he wanted to do and was shocked to see the tears running down his cheeks. Again they reached for the young Hispanic man and gently grabbed an arm each.

"Come on Carlos," Doc said soothingly. "You have to let go so we can help him." The hopeful look in the tired brown eyes that rose to look at their faces almost broke their hearts.

"Can you save him?" Carlos looked back down at the blonde man and started stroking his head again, smoothing the hair back. "Mark wanted to be around for our four year anniversary."

Bosco was shocked at the choked sob that burst out of him-self. Carlos ignored the sound and started to rock back and forth, singing a low Spanish song to the body in his lap that they realized meant more to Carlos than his sanity.

Doc looked around the room to see if there was any indication of what Carlos was talking about. A picture on the nightstand next to the bed showed a picture of the two young men at what looked to be a wedding, holding the same wine glasses that were next to the picture to the other's face. He cleared his throat.

"Carlos, was he your husband?" Carlos nodded and burst into tears.

"Three… years… today."

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

_Hello_

Kim came forwards and enfolded him in a hug from behind, Carlos's arms coming up to hold onto her.

"I'm sorry Carlos. I'm so sorry."

Taking advantage of the situation, Doc and Bosco moved the body from Carlos's lap and helped Kim move him off the bed. Carlos started screaming.

"**_NO!_** Let me _go!_ _I have to stay with him!_ I promised! I _promised!_ Let **_go!_**

Carlos writhed madly in their arms. Twisting, he escaped from them and ran to the bed again. Climbing up next to his husband, he leaned down and placed a kiss on the blue tinged lips before laying down next him, pulling the body to his chest again. His eyes focused on the people around his bed and the shape of Ty coming in the door.

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly, hands trembling. "I can't stay here alone."

Bosco recognized the gun that Carlos lifted to his temple. It was his service pistol that Carlos must have taken from him when he escaped their hold. He looked directly into Carlos's eyes, distantly hearing people yelling NO! DON'T! Carlos looked directly back at him.

"I'm sorry."

BANG.

_I'm still here_

_All that's left of yesterday…_

* * *

Yes! I finally finished this story! Please review and tell me what you think. 


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